A workshop or retreat can spark real, long-lasting transformation—but only if it’s paired with reflection, practice, and follow-through. Without that, it risks becoming just a feel-good moment dressed up as inspiration. True change isn’t in the event itself; it’s in what you do once you leave.
Sex Positivity, Conscious Sexuality, and Tantra—What’s the Difference? Sex positivity, conscious sexuality, and Tantra are often spoken about interchangeably, but they are three distinct things—so why is Tantra being used as a catch-all term for everything from sex parties to conscious sexuality workshops? Let’s break it down. Sex Positivity: The Philosophy That Sex is Intrinsically Good Sex positivity is the idea that sex is an intrinsic good, much like food is an intrinsic good. That doesn’t mean we can’t misuse it—just as eating takeaways every day will make us ill, unhealthy sexual dynamics can have negative effects. But that doesn’t change the fact that sex itself is an intrinsic good, something natural and valuable. Conscious Sexuality: Awareness, Consent, and Healing Conscious sexuality is the idea that we can approach our sexuality consciously. Under this umbrella, there are many practices that support people in letting go of shame, developing a clear focus on consent and boundaries, and reclaiming autonomy and pleasure over their own sexual experiences. Tantra: A Spiritual Path, Not Just a Sexual Practice And Tantra—Tantra is a spiritual path. It is a set of practices and a worldview that sees sexual energy as life energy, something we can work with to dissolve the ego and experience a deep, felt sense of interconnectedness—a way of accessing an intelligence beyond the self. Tantra understands that trauma stops energy from circulating. Within Tantra, there are many techniques that can help release trauma from the body, release repressed emotions, and let go of physical tension. It is a spiritual path. These are three very different things—so that begs the question: Why is Everything Called Tantra These Days? Why are so many conscious sexuality events called Tantra? Why is a sex party—for want of a better word—called a Temple? I think the reason for that is both interesting and sad. Conscious sexuality wants to differentiate itself from sex parties. And it does that because of internalized societal shame. Sex parties are seen as bad, so conscious sexuality wants to say, “We’re not that.” By appropriating spiritual language and calling itself Tantra, it ends up internalizing the very shame it was trying to challenge. But conscious sexuality is important. We have the right to enjoy our sexuality and our bodies in whatever shape or form feels right. Conscious sexuality creates spaces and practices that allow us to do that. And I think it’s time that conscious sexuality calls itself what it is. We are consciously sexuality, and we are important. Not Tantra. Conscious Sexuality. And maybe, just to end on a positive note—sex positivity is wonderful. It’s a wonderful philosophy. We should be positive about sex and see it as an intrinsic good, even if, for various reasons, we can sometimes use it unwisely—just like food.
Bloody good question, isn’t it? Considering Tantra is a nonwhite tradition, rooted in the Indian subcontinent, you wouldn’t think so if you looked around at most Tantra teachers and participants in the West. There’s a difference between using language to make something accessible to a different culture, time, and place—and appropriating a tradition without recognizing the shoulders we stand on. Tantra comes from people who, despite colonialism, have somehow managed to hold onto a non-dualistic understanding of the world—and practices that support healing and living in that way. For that, I feel tremendous gratitude. But Tantra in the West has never been allowed to be what it traditionally is. Tantra is Part of a Web of Meaning Traditionally, Tantra is not an isolated practice—it exists within a much larger web of meaning. It is part of a wider worldview, just as science offers us a framework for understanding reality. In its original form, Tantra wasn’t just a tool for self-improvement—it was part of an interconnected system of philosophy, ritual, cosmology, and ethics, woven into daily life, relationships, and spirituality. It wasn’t something you just did—it was a way of being and understanding the world. Tantra is Not Just a Self-Development Tool And yet, in the West, Tantra has been extracted from this web of meaning and turned into a self-development practice. It has become something you “do” to develop yourself, to make yourself a better, more effective individual—as if that were its purpose. But Tantra isn’t a self-improvement tool. It isn’t about making you a better lover. Yes, it has sexual teachings—but they are a tiny, tiny part of the vast body of Tantric wisdom. And yet, as with Buddhism, as with shamanic traditions, Tantra has been assimilated into an individualistic, Western self-development culture. With its ‘exotism’ and it’s assoication with the errotic its become a premium ‘label’ to attract middle-class white people with money—those who have the time, resources, and privilege to invest in self-improvement. And because of this the people who access it are predominantly white and privileged. And that’s deeply sad. Tantra is a Path to Healing and Connection Tantra is a powerful healing modality. It offers a path to experiencing the world differently—a way out of the exhaustion of figuring it all out alone. It can offer a felt sense of being held in love, of being both part of and separate from everything else—something so needed in these times. Tantra can offer a way to heal trauma, a map of reality that challenges individualism and capitalism, showing us a different way to be and relate. But instead of being honored as a living tradition, Tantra in the West has become a product—something that only privileged, prodomently white people can afford. And that makes me deeply sad.
